Self-esteem: what if you’re not really the problem?
I often meet clients who say, quite early in the session: “I lack confidence.” And yet, as I listen to them, I notice something else. I see someone who feels deeply, thinks with agility, perceives a lot… but who, almost in the same movement, cuts themselves off. Corrects themselves. Holds back. As if another voice were taking over.
A few days ago, a client told me about a situation where she felt hurt. Her emotion was there, very clear. And then, almost immediately: “Anyway, I’m overreacting… it’s ridiculous.” It happens very quickly. Almost invisibly. But that is exactly where something is happening.
Introjection in psychotherapy: those voices that cut us off from ourselves
In Gestalt, we call this an introjection. Phrases, norms, judgments that we have internalized so deeply they feel like they come from us.
- “I’m too sensitive.”
- “I should handle this.”
- “It’s not a big deal.”
It’s not that we lack self-esteem. It’s that we’ve learned not to trust ourselves. And often, the body shows this before we can even think it.
L’approche de la Gestalt thérapie face au burn-out
The gaze turning away.
A hand covering the mouth.
The breath tightening just before speaking.
Sometimes I gently name it: “Right there, when you say it’s ridiculous… what’s happening in your body?” It slows things down. And often, something reappears.
A tension, an emotion, an impulse that had been interrupted.
And just underneath, there is often shame. Not necessarily a shame that is easy to name. More something subtle, but very present. As if, deep down, there were something to hide. So we correct ourselves.
- We adjust.
- We make ourselves smaller…
- or smoother.
Restoring self-esteem through Gestalt therapy
Over time, all of this becomes an identity:
- “I’m someone who doubts.”
- “I’m not very confident.”
In Gestalt, we would call this the personality function: the way we define ourselves. But sometimes, that definition is built from what we have learned to silence, not from who we really are. In session, my work is not to “build” self-esteem. It is rather to stay with these very precise moments: where the person begins to cut themselves off.
- Bringing back presence.
- Bringing back choice.
And sometimes simply saying: “Wait… just before you said it was ridiculous — what were you feeling?” These are small moments. But this is often when something opens again. A little more contact with oneself. A little less harshness. The experience of a bit more gentleness in contact.
And, without having to work on it directly, self-esteem returns… differently.
If you recognize yourself in some of these patterns and would like to explore this more closely, I can support you at my Gestalt therapy practice in Paris 8 or through online consultations.